Attacked!
by thebookworm90
Summary: The room was dark, unnaturally so for the time of day. It made for the perfect cover. Now to stalk the prey.
1. Attacked!

**Author's Note: It occurred to me I should mention that this story has no plot. It's really a bunch of individual moments between Harry, Hermione and their feline family members. I hope that these snippets bring a smile to your face or prompts a quite giggle out of you. **

**I don't own anything, I don't make any kind of profit from this.**

The room was dark. Unnaturally dark for eleven in the morning. Only the barest crack of light snuck through the crack in the curtains, but that was fine because that faint slice of light was aimed away from the bed. That suited him just fine.

Slowly, oh so slowly he crept forward. He was small, and while that was currently a plus he hoped desperately that he would grow much bigger as he got older. For now though, his small size coupled with his pitch black coloring would aid him in his hunt.

The man he was hunting was still locked in a deep sleep, turned on his side with another's slim arm wrapped around him from behind. The other's body would prevent him from turning away to protect himself. _Perfect._

Still at a painfully slow pace, the small being crept forward, avoiding contact with the man's body. He wasn't in position to attack yet. With the knees behind and the chest just ahead of him, the stomach would have made a tempting place to attack if the man was on his back. _Oh well._

He was tempted to just surge forward and attack; but while that would be satisfying, it would not get the exact results he wanted. _Finally_! He was level with the man's head. He raised one small black limb to the man's face and

_Pat…pat…patpatpat_

The man snuffled, bringing a hand up to swipe at his mouth and nose. From the corner of his eye; the slim arm slithered from around his prey's torso. Alright. It was time to bring the pain then. Raising his limb again he made sure that the claws were extended just enough, took careful aim at the man's lips and

_Whap…whap…WHAP!...whapwhapwhapwhapwhapwhapwhapwhapwhap!_

"ARRRGH!"

Sweet music to his ears! Lifting his paw again, he was thwarted from his second attack as two large hands clasped him around his middle and lifted him up with the man as he sat up right. The hands raised him so that he was face to face with his prey and staring into startling green eyes. Pulling his limbs and tucking his paws close to him, he extended his neck, licked the man's nose, and let out a soft trilling

"Meow?"


	2. He's a kitten

"I don't understand what you hoped to gain from attacking me in my sleep. It's my roof that shelters your ungrateful head. I feed you, despite your picky eating habits. I paid the outrageous vet bills of your first check up and will continue to do so, so that you live a long and healthy life. I've spent a small fortune on toys for you, and y-"

The kitten extended his neck a second time and licked Harry on the nose once, twice, three times and began to purr.

"You have the absolute gall to lick my nose and look adorable! What am I going to do with you?"

"You could accept the fact that he is still a baby and he will continue this behavior until he has grown out of it in a few months, like I already told you when you brought him home. Knowing your luck though, he may keep the habit of waking you in the mornings after he's matured into adulthood. After all he is a cat."

Harry turned to his bed partner incredulously. "But Hermione! He attacked me! He smacked me on the mouth with his claws! _Repeatedly!_"

Hermione turned and cracked an eye open to look up at Harry with a gimlet glare. "He is a _kitten,_ Harry. On top of the standard quirks a cat has, he is going to be rambunctious and he will practice stalking, pouncing, and attacking. He will use his toys as practice, but he will use you the most for practice since you move and make noise. This will go on for several months. Again, I told you all this when you first considered keeping him. And what was your argument? Oh yes, you said 'But look at him Hermione! He's so small and defenseless. Plus he's all black and they're known for their sweet temperaments. Besides, I'm sure Crookshanks will be a good role-model for him and teach him some kitty manners.'"

Harry looked sheepish as he laid back down on his back, bringing the kitten down to rest on his chest. He watched as the kitten hopped down from his chest and walked towards his head. The kitten settled down by his shoulder and began licking his hair while he continued to purr.

Hermione shifted so that she cuddled into his side and the kitten switched his attentions to her forehead. "Just be glad that the kitten stages and behaviors will only last until he's one or two. After that he'll be a mature adult cat and will have calmed down. Somewhat."

Harry closed his eyes and murmured, "So he's currently a little hellion wrapped in heart melting cuteness as a defensive measure. Great."

The kitten in question had been listening to the whole conversation and felt that that needed a response from him. So turning his head he eyed his human's face, took aim and struck.

"OW! Merlin's balls, he bit me!"

Hermione sighed and looked up at Harry as he rubbed at his cheek. "What did you expect to happen? For him to purr louder?" Harry glowered at the kitten and by close position, Hermione.

"You forgot that he was a full kneazle and could actually understand you again, didn't you?"

The glower became a pout. "Maybe."

"Then you better get used to it."


	3. Named

**Author's Note: I had originally planned on this being only two chapters, but I've decided to keep on with it after reading the visitor stats. Holy cow! I never imagined so many people would consider this good enough to read. So, thank you everyone who decided to give this a shot and read it.**

"So. Have you decided on a name for him yet?"

"…"

"Harry, you've had him for over a month now. If you don't pick a name for him soon and keep calling him 'you,' 'kitty,' and the other more unsavory names, he'll only respond to those."

"I just want to give him a name that fits him. Cats have personality, they should have a name that reflects that."

"Oh really, now?"

"Yes! Just look at Crookshanks. His name is unique, slightly intimidating and yet inspires a bit of trust. He himself is a unique cat that's a sweet tempered badass cat with a uncanny sixth sense of knowing if a person is trustworthy or not."

"In that case, you should just name the kitten Richard. It's a strong regal name, just as you think he looks like, and when you call him a dick, it'll still be appropriate."

"Hermione, no! Besides I was thinking more along the lines of…Snape."

Hermione burst into gales of laughter. "Harry you can't be serious!"

"Yes, I am. Look at him Hermione, he's all black, he does kind of look like a bat, he attacks _everything_ and his favorite sleeping spot is my old cauldron from Hogwarts."

"You just want a way to curse Snape's name without feeling guilty about cursing the man."

"No I don't!"

"That innocent look will not work on me. Okay, Mr. His-Name-Has-To-Be-A-Good-One, what do you think Headmaster Snape is going to do when one of Ron and Luna's brood start telling stories about _Harry Potter's_ cat named _Snape_? Or when we have our own children and they go to Hogwarts with so many stories about the cat named Snape? Kneazle cats have a longer life span then regular cats. The kitten is going to be a part of our family a good long while."

"….Alright, fine! Not Snape."

"Well, I still think Richa-"

"No! Not Richard either.

"Then I don't know what else to suggest to you, Harry. You've shot down every suggestion I've given you. Even if he is as batty as a belfry, he is your cat; just pick something already. "

"Hmmm….I think I'll na-"

_CRASH!_

Harry jumped as Hermione whirled around, searching for the source of the noise. Both watched as Crookshanks hurriedly jumped from the side table that was against the wall behind the couch they were both sitting on, to the shelf that had been installed in the corner of the room so that it was about a meter from the ceiling and covered in small plushy cushions. They watched as the kitten they were just speaking about finished scaling the side of the table only for Crookshanks to no longer be there. They watched as he looked around for the older cat and finally spotting him on the kitty-shelf, chirped. Crookshanks looked at the kitten, gave a growling meow then promptly dropped down on the cushions and closed his eyes.

"Awww, Crookshanks! Did the kitten interrupt your naptime with playtime again?" Harry and Hermione watched as the kitten crouched down with his eyes locked on the shelf. "Think he'll make it this time?" Harry whispered to Hermione. "I doubt it. Maybe in a month or three. Right now he's still quite small and clumsy." The kitten wriggled his bottom and leapt. He managed to clear half the distance before falling to the ground and landing on his feet with a small stumble. He gave a slight shake to his head as he sat down and began to wash a paw with an air of "_I meant to do that."_

"What a batty cat," Hermione muttered as she turned back around to face Harry, who had a contemplative look on his face. "You know, I think we should install another shelf and ward it for Crookshanks use only. Your cat won't give him any rest once he's big enough to jump onto that shelf with Crookshanks."

"Hmm, you might be right." Hermione watched as Harry stood up and walked behind the couch, bending down to pick up the picture frame Crookshanks had knocked over in his rush to get out of the kitten's reach. Pulling his wand from his arm holster, he muttered a quiet _Reparo_ and tapped the glass. "You know, I think I've thought of a name," he said as he set the frame back down on the table.

"And that name would be?"

Harry turned and bent again, scooping the cat up into the crook of his elbow and began to scratch the kitten's tummy. "I think I'll go with Bats." Harry lifted the kitten up into the air and rubbed the kitten's nose with his own. "Yes, I'll name you Bats since you are a batty kitty. Aren't you a batty kitty? Yes, you are."

Hermione stared at her husband in disbelief. "But you just said tha… No. You know what? He's your cat, name him whatever you want. I'm not going to quibble over this," Hermione said as she threw her hands up in exasperation. "I still think you should have gone with Richard," she muttered.

Harry glared at her half-heartedly before turning back to Bats. "You want someone to play with? I'll play with you. Let's go find one of your toys." Hermione watched as he carried his kitten out of the living room. Hermione called out, "You know, you're redefining the stereotype of the crazy cat lady, just so you know!" His response was a shouted, "Good!"


	4. New toy

_Crinkle._

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_Crinkle._

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_Crinklecrinkle._

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_POP! Taptaptap._

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_Crinklecrinklecrinklecrinklecrinkle._

Hermione peeked over the edge of her hardback book that she was currently curled up with on the living room couch and watched as Harry recapped a small plastic vial of some dried green herb, and begin to squish a mesh and cellophane ball of alternating silver and metallic baby blue. _Probably catnip,_ Hermione thought as she watched Harry inspect the mesh of the ball and nodded to himself; happy with the amount of catnip caught in the mesh. Harry pulled out his wand and muttered a spell that caused the ball to glow for a brief second. Settling back, Harry dropped the ball at his feet and holding his wand in a loose grip began waving it back and forth. Hermione watched as the ball began a slow, lazy path towards the center of the living room carpet. The ball's path was lackadaisical and vaguely reminded Hermione of a butterfly's flight pattern.

Giving a mental shrug, Hermione turned back to her book, thoroughly enjoying her choice for her light reading, Neil Gaiman's _Stardust_ and getting lost in that world for a little while longer. Or, that had been the plan before a quick movement from the smallest corner of her eye caught her attention. Turning her head, Hermione looked at the spot that she could have sworn had just had a flicker of movement. There was nothing there, just the shadows cast in the corner by the aralia her mother had gifted her and Neville had eyed every time he visited. Hermione narrowed her eyes and stared at the shadows. _Nothing. He must have been moving._ Hermione dismissed the incident and turned back to her book, managing to _just_ get into the flow of the story when she was disturbed yet again. This time by Harry.

"Target sighted."

Hermione looked up at the muttering, looking straight at Harry's face. His eyes were trained on the small gap between the entertainment center and the bookcase to the left of it across from the couch. Looking at the same spot as Harry, she saw what he was watching and… apparently narrating.

"Assuming position."

Harry's kitten, Bats, had just crouched down his eyes blown wide and trained on the mesh and cellophane ball, his head moving just the tiniest bit following the path of the ball.

"Commence butt wiggle…aaaaannnnnnd…..AAATTTAAACCKKK!"

As the ball rolled past the entertainment center, Bats burst into movement, running after the ball. With one quick jump he trapped the ball beneath him and immediately bit down, rolling to his side so that his back paws could kick at it, attempting to tear it apart with his back claws. Harry tightened his grip on his wand, gave one quick jerk that had the ball ripping itself from Bats' grasp, and began moving the ball in rapid, erratic movements that had Bats give chase instantly.

Hermione watched on in amusement as Harry moved the ball back and forth, in circles, figure eights, and bouncing it up and down just out of the kitten's reach. Bats only got close enough to just miss it, stumble and bolt off after his new toy as it shot off in a new direction. Harry continued to laugh and smile as he narrated Bats' chase.

"_Accio_ muggle camera," Hermione quietly whispered. Once her camera landed in her hand Hermione discreetly turned it on, switching the camera to video she angled it around her book to get a nice view of Harry and his bright and happy smile. After a full thirty seconds of recording Harry, Hermione turned the camera to follow Bats as he continued his chase for the ball all across the living room. This was going to make a wonderful story to share with their friends and great blackmail material in regards to certain individuals they knew.


End file.
